i'm a genuinely terrible person. my mother once said (or well...said multiple times) that i am just like my abusive stepfather, her ex. he abused me and i guess i picked up habits of his. how quickly he'd start yelling he was, how full of hate he was. i emulate him, in the worst ways possible. its been years, and he cannot hurt me anymore. but i feel like nothing but an echo of him, his yelling in my ears, his hands on my neck, his belt on my back as i screamed. it would've been better if i had died. maybe one day, ill get the guts to kill myself, or i'll cut too deeply just once.